Today is Ash Wednesday and also St Valentine’s Day. Incidentally, I’ve read quite a few write-ups that paint them as almost contradictory, a juxtaposition of two different celebrations. However, when you dig a bit deeper, dusting off some of the ash to get to the bottom of things, you realise that these two days are markedly similar in what they stand for.

St Valentine’s day is a day to celebrate love, and its origins are marked by sacrifice and death. Accounts as to the origin of the day differ, but most of them have sacrificial death at the core. Ash Wednesday is the first day of Lent, and in churches were it is marked, crosses are deftly drawn on parishioner’s heads. The symbol of the cross, though a device denoting death, has also become a symbol of love, Christ’s love. Ash Wednesday is also a solemn reminder of our mortality, of the fact that we were once dust, and to dust we shall return (Genesis 2:7, 3:19).

Moreover, the creation of man from dust, and God giving the gift of freedom, of life, of power and authority, to what was essentially once a pile of dust… that in itself is an act of love. To think that God breathed His very own Spirit in us, that He created and loved a creature who would one day turn its back on Him, is quite an incredible show of love. It is like seeing into your child’s future, and in that future, you see that there is a very high chance they are going to abandon you in your old age, at a time when you need them the most. Yet, you still choose to lovingly bring them up and give them the best of your time, attention, love, and all that life has to offer.

Not only that, when humans turned their back on God, He provided a way back to Himself. A way that involved death, the death of His most precious, only begotten Son. As John 3:16 (BLB) says, “For God so loved the world that He gave the only begotten Son, so that everyone believing in Him should not perish, but should have eternal life.” Again, another powerful act of love.

Ultimately, the truth still remains that there is no true love without death, without the sacrifice of self. Death to self must take place for love to be genuine and pure. This is because for one to truly love, then there must be a repositioning, a reformation, a swapping of places, putting another ahead of ourselves in the love queue, just like Jesus did… a sinless Saviour taking the place of sinful souls. “Christ died once for our sins. An innocent person died for those who are guilty. Christ did this to bring you to God, when his body was put to death and his spirit was made alive.” (1 Peter 3:18, CEV).

As humans, we inevitably love imperfectly. But then, to love perfectly is no mean feat. To tell someone, ‘you before me’, and then to go beyond the words… to thoroughly mean it and consequently demonstrate it in our actions. For it is then that love is the loudest. Because as we all know, actions speak much louder than words ever can.

Sometimes this can be less of a challenge, especially when that love is mutual. As a popular quote goes, “to love is one thing, to be loved is another, but to be loved by the one you love is everything.” John Milton calls mutual love “the crown of all our bliss.” And indeed, there is something really beautiful when love is mutual, when each person in a relationship (whether marriage, friendship, or any other relationship) puts the other first. Why? Well, in a way, relationships are like see-saws, they are more fun when the weight is evenly distributed, when there is reciprocation, when there is give and take.

However, what happens when there is no reciprocation? When you consistently put someone first, and they consistently put themselves first? That is like a see-saw being stuck in one position –  one person very high up, the other person down on the ground. Not much fun then is it? Or it can be like giving a bunch of roses and getting a bunch of thorns back in return. Giving a thoughtful, absolutely amazing gift, and getting nothing back, or something so thoughtless, even nothing would have been preferable. Not much reward there right? But, we know that we aren’t only called to practice mutual love. Jesus exhorts us to love even our enemies. Matthew 5:43-48 (NLT) says, “You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbour’ and hate your enemy.But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in Heaven. For He gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and He sends rain on the just and the unjust alike. If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that. But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect.” This is truly a very high and noble calling, and sometimes we try to do so. However, there are times when you’ve been on the ground for so long, you really just want to get up, dust yourself and leave.

If you are there now, can I just say, ‘well done for the time you spent trying’… Even if no one else saw, even if everyone else misunderstood. The good thing is that there is One who sees, One who understands – Jesus Christ. He is the same Jesus who still continues to love us sacrificially, even though we sometimes put ourselves high up and leave Him at the bottom of our priority list. He poured so much into people and got very little in return. The ones He loved, the ones He spent His short time on earth healing, feeding, teaching, encouraging, were the very ones who shouted ‘Crucify Him, crucify Him!’, denied Him, and betrayed Him (Luke 4:23-25; 22; 23:20-23).

As such, when we find ourselves stuck at the bottom of a see-saw that shows no sign of moving again, we can go to the one who set the pattern for true love, the one who has ‘been there, done that, gotten the t-shirt’, and ask for help, strength and wisdom (Ephesians 5:2, Hebrews 12:2-3, Colossians 1:18). He sees, He knows, He understands. The truth is that despite how much Jesus loved people and Jerusalem, there were times when there was only so much He could do. As much as it broke His heart, there were times He had to just leave. In Matthew 23:37-38, we hear Jesus grieve over Jerusalem: “O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones God’s messengers! How often I have wanted to gather your children together as a hen protects her chicks beneath her wings, but you wouldn’t let me. And now, look, your house is abandoned and desolate.” And in Mark 6:5 (NLT), we read that “because of their unbelief, Jesus couldn’t do any miracles among them except to place his hands on a few sick people and heal them.” Did Jesus want to help these people? Of course He did. That was part of why He came (Luke 4:17-21). Did He love them? Of course He did (John 3:16, 15:9). And yet, He had to leave them and move on to other towns and villages.

Joan Crawford once said, “You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.” Love is a sacrifice, but the nature that sacrifice takes can vary according to situations, seasons and people. Even Jesus, the most loving and compassion of all, had His boundaries. Yes He came to die for humankind, but there was a time when they wanted to kill Him and He chose to escape, because the time was not right (Luke 4:29-30). There were also times when He had to leave the crowds and spend some time alone, despite the fact that they needed Him. Or times when He had to leave a certain group of people and go to others (Luke 4:42, Luke 5:16).

The key thing we can learn from Jesus, even in such instances, is what He did in those times alone – He spent time with His Father in prayer, and He never let His heart harden, but kept it empty of bitterness and full of love. This is the example we can follow when we find ourselves in those sticky situations. We can go to our Heavenly Father, our Abba, and spend some time with Him, seeking His face, His will, His wisdom, His discernment, His guidance. The beauty of our relationship with God is that He relates with us not just as a body, but as individuals. He meets us where we are at. And so, when we ask for wisdom, He will give us generously (James 1:5), and it will be wisdom that is just right for our particular circumstances. Furthermore, when we keep our heart pure and free from bitterness, we will see God (Matthew 5:8, Ephesians 4:31-32, Hebrews 12:14-15). And what greater honour is there, than to see The One who sees us? Galatians 6:9 (NASB) encourages us to “not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.” The only way we can keep doing good and not lose heart is to keep going to the One who is good, the One who is love, the One who is the fount of all true wisdom, and ask Him to constantly fill us with His goodness, His love, and His wisdom.

As we reflect on this, I pray that God will give us the grace to truly love sacrificially, and the wisdom to know what form that sacrifice should take. May our hearts remain pure, drained of all bitterness and selfishness, and filled instead with God’s steadfast, gracious love. Where our hearts may have become hard in response to life’s cruel blows, may God’s tender love soften our hearts, continually moulding our hearts until they look just like His. Amen.

Image source here.