One of the most peculiar verses in the Bible is in Genesis 19:26, “But Lot’s wife looked back as she was following behind him, and she turned into a pillar of salt” (NLT). It sounds strange indeed, that an actual human being could turn into a pillar of salt. There are various explanations regarding the science behind it, but that’s a story for another day. What strikes me here though is the image of a woman looking back at what should have been her past, instead of looking forward to her future; of a woman who for reasons unknown to us, found it difficult to turn her back on her past, who could not resist casting a backward glance at a past that was soon to be no more.

Lot’s wife was not unique in her desire to look back at her past. Even now, some of us find it difficult to let go of past lives, regrets, hurts. This could be for various reasons. Maybe a longing for what once was, or could have been, or regrets regarding incidents in our past. We are not told why Lot’s wife looked back. Perhaps it was because of a longing for the good things she may have enjoyed in her past life, friends she was leaving behind, or regret at what Sodom and Gomorrah had become and the mistake they made in settling and making their home there.

Lot’s wife suffered an instant consequence for looking back. That was quite unusual though. What is more likely is us suffering a steady stream of present consequences because of the strong hold our past regrets have on us. Because we are still casting forlorn glances at them. We may not even realise that the reason we suffer is because we keep looking back at what could have been, instead of pressing on to what lies ahead. Philippians 3:12-13 (NLT) says, “I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead.” Paul makes the point that he is not perfect, which implies that he likely made mistakes, and that there were things he would do differently if given the chance again. However, he went on to emphasise his present focus: forgetting the past and looking forward to the future.

This is easier said than done though, isn’t it? Nevertheless, there are steps we can take to make doing so just that little bit easier. Four of such steps are highlighted below:

Forgiveness: If the regret is something wrong we did, then a key step is asking for, and accepting God’s forgiveness. 1 John 1:9 (NIV) says, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” Psalm 103:12 (NLT) emphasises just how far God separates us from our sin when He forgives us: “He has removed our sins as far from us as the East is from the West.”

We also need to forgive ourselves, and sometimes this can be harder to do. God is far more loving than we are, so we might accept that God forgives us, but struggle to forgive ourselves. However, as Tim Keller notes “When people say, “I know God forgives me, but I can’t forgive myself,” they mean that they have failed an idol whose approval is more important than God’s.”

That really puts things in perspective, doesn’t it? God is the highest court in the land. It’s almost like saying that a ruling from the Crown Court is more important, or carries more weight, than a ruling from the Supreme Court. Most people would agree that giving more weight to the ruling of a lower court is illogical. As such, if God can forgive us, then as Romans 8:33 (NLT) says, “Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself.”

In some cases though, it may not be something we did, but something that was done to us. Something that may have happened as a direct or indirect consequence of an action we took. It might even be a seemingly innocent action, such as following route A rather than route B on our way to a destination. We may beat ourselves up for our choice, while also struggling to forgive those who have hurt us. Forgiveness may be hard in such scenarios, but God sees. He is El Roi. Those who hurt us might be undeserving, unremorseful, unapologetic. However, we are not necessarily forgiving them for their sakes, but for God’s sake and for our sakes. As I once read, forgiveness isn’t about letting someone off the hook, it’s about freeing yourself from the hook of what they did to you. We forgive in obedience to God. And the beauty of obeying God is that He supplies the strength and grace we need, in order to do what He asks. Which means that when He asks us to forgive, He will give us the grace and strength we need to do so.

There might be natural consequences that arise as a result of our actions or inactions. Sometimes these may still remain, despite receiving God’s forgiveness and forgiving ourselves. However God can give us the grace to bear such. The prodigal son had to endure working with pigs, which as a Jew must have been awful for him. He would have also had to live with the knowledge of the pain he caused his family, of knowing that he had wasted half of his father’s wealth, wealth he probably would never get back. However, he still had the benefit of his Father’s presence, love, grace, generosity, mercy, and that was more than enough to sustain him. We can also lean on the help of others, on wise, trustworthy, godly friends, family, spiritual leaders and counsellors to navigate the challenges of such consequences.

Learning: I remember seeing this quote somewhere, “Regret is wanting to learn from our mistakes without having made them.” Where possible, we can learn lessons from our past experiences that will help us grow in maturity and wisdom. When we are able to draw lessons from such incidents, these can also ease the sting of regret. If we are struggling to draw lessons from such incidents, we can ask God for insight and revelatory knowledge. Lessons we learn can stop us from making similar mistakes on a grander level. Sometimes when we make a mistake at a certain level, God permits certain things to happen so that we can learn from the experience. If we are able to learn from such experiences, we can be prevented from making even worse mistakes, possibly on a larger scale where there will be more catastrophic consequences.

Letting Go: Letting go of the ‘if I had knowns’ and the ‘if onlys’ is not easy, but this is what allows us to move forward. Otherwise it is like trying to walk while our legs are chained to the heavy weight of our past. Letting go can be an instant process or it can be gradual. Either way, if we are intentional about it, it can be done. It may be helpful to remember that most times, we likely made what we felt was the best decision at the time, based on the information we had available to us. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but its wonder is limited because we cannot go back in time and use it. I love this quote from Cheryl Strayed, “I’ll never know, and neither will you, of the life you don’t choose. We’ll only know that whatever that sister life was, it was important and beautiful and not ours. It was the ghost ship that didn’t carry us. There’s nothing to do but salute it from the shore.”

The truth is that we may never know whether a seeming alternative course of action may have been better for us. We may assume so, but can we really know so? As such, the best thing to do is to let go and trust God that He will work it out for good.

Personally, when I have found it hard to let go of something, I sometimes literally say out loud, “Dear Jesus, I am letting go of this and handing it over to you.” And sometimes I have to say it for days, over and over, before I really feel that sense of freedom that I have indeed let go. I have also realised that doing so is a way of showing Jesus that I trust Him to carry my burdens. “Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light”” (Matthew 11:28-30, NLT).

Romans 8:28 (NLT) says, “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” If we love God and are called according to His purpose, then He can work everything out for good, even our mistakes and the things we regret.

Hold on to, and fix your eyes on Jesus: When you let go of something, your hands become free to hold on to something else. And who better to hold on to than Jesus? Who better to walk with, to look to, to focus on, than our loving Saviour? When the evil one brings those thoughts of regret to your mind, thoughts about your past that make you feel worthless and unforgivable, try to turn away from those thoughts and think of Jesus, of who He is, of how much He loves you, and of the extent He went to in order to purchase your salvation and forgiveness.

Imagine your mind is like a book, and in your mind’s eye, you are turning a page. The trick is to turn it fully, not with a finger resting on the old page in a way that allows you to flip back to it once in a while. No. Completely remove your finger from the previous page. Let Jesus be the only page that remains right in front of you, that saturates your mind, because Jesus is the one who can heal mind, body and soul. Rest in Him and let Him carry out His beautiful healing work in you. Psalm 147:3 says “He heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds.” Let go of the chain of your past that is cutting into you and further deepening your injury. Sometimes when we open up our hands to let go, we realise that the thing we were holding onto so tightly was a bunch of thorns, thorns that were causing us great harm. The good news is that we can allow God to heal us and bind up our wounds.

I pray that we will set our faces like rocks facing Jesus constantly. Psalm 34:5 (ESV) says “Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed.” Looking unto Jesus gives you a radiance that overshadows the shame of your past regrets. Remember that He is the Author and Finisher (Hebrews 12:2), and He is not yet done with your story. When He is, you will be awed at just how beautiful a story He can craft, even from the most painful mistakes and regrets. May we receive grace, wisdom and strength from God to forgive, to learn, to let go, to fix our eyes on Jesus, and to trust in His magnificent power to set us free, heal us, make us whole, and restore us once again.

Image source here.