Some weeks ago, my younger son learnt about bees in school, so he decided to share his newly acquired knowledge with me. One of the things he said was, ‘did you know that when a honeybee stings someone, it dies?’ ‘Yes, I did know that’, I answered. Then he added, ‘that’s why they only sting if they feel really, really threatened’. I did a bit of research after our conversation and found out that when the honeybee dies after a sting, it’s a truly gruesome death. This is because after stinging a human being, its barbs become so wedged in our thick skin that when it tries to free itself, it ends up ripping away parts of its organs, including its abdomen. Grisly stuff.

Around that period, I had been reflecting on the power of words. As such, when he said that, one of the first things that popped into my head was the potential of words to sting. As we talked about it, it occurred to me that just like the honeybee, we should be really careful with our ‘sting’, knowing that in hurting someone with our sting, we can end up hurting ourselves badly. This realisation that giving in to the temptation to sting can cost a life, my life even, hit home hard.

The Bible buttresses this in Proverbs 18:21 (NIV), “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Knowing how powerful words can be, it therefore makes sense that we cultivate a habit of being intentionally careful with our words.

Proverbs 25:11 tells us that words fitly spoken are like golden apples in a setting of silver. To be fitly spoken, they would need to be expressed at the right time, with the right voice, in the right place, to the right person, in the right way. Such words can bring great joy and encouragement (Proverbs 15:23, Ephesians 4:29). Like a tree of life, they can sooth and bring healing (Proverbs 15:4).

Ecclesiastes 3:7b tells us there is a time to be silent and a time to speak. Even when it is time to speak, there is a time to speak softly, and a time to use a louder voice. A key way to know when to use each method, one which has considerably helped me, is to pause and pray first. This is because we really need wisdom, guidance and discernment from God to know the what, when and how. When God instructs us, we should then follow up with obedience. This was literally how the wall of Jericho was brought down, a great victory for the Israelites. “But Joshua had commanded the people: “Do not shout or let your voice be heard. Don’t let one word come out of your mouth until the time I say, ‘Shout!’ Then you are to shout… After the seventh time, the priests blew the trumpets, and Joshua said to the people, “Shout! For the Lord has given you the city… So the people shouted, and the trumpets sounded. When they heard the blast of the trumpet, the people gave a great shout, and the wall collapsed. The people advanced into the city, each man straight ahead, and they captured the city.” (Joshua 6:10, 16, 20, HCSB)

There is a quote from Laurie Idahosa I love. She says “If you can’t say it without yelling or spewing bitterness, it’s not the time to say it. Calm down, pray, collect your thoughts, write down what you want to communicate and WAIT. Wait until you can be civil. While waiting, you may discover that it doesn’t need to be said.” I try to remind myself of this regularly, as there is so much wisdom in it. I used to be that person that just said what came to my head, especially when I was angry, not caring much about the right time, voice, place, way, etc. Over the years, I’ve consciously tried to mentally install a ‘prayer and thought’ filter. These days I’m much better, thanks to God and to lots of practice opportunities! I do have the odd slip up every now and again, which I am still working on, so writing this also serves as a very helpful ‘note to self’.

 There have been times when I was so angry, my words felt like a raging bull banging against its gated enclosure, desperately wanting to burst out. In such times, I have come to realise that pausing to pray is like reinforcing that gate while calming down the bull. Like most human beings, I sometimes forget or even wilfully ignore that little prompt telling me to pause first. But if I do ignore it and let the bull out, it’s fair to say that it doesn’t exactly leave a trail of golden apples in its wake.

I am learning to improve the golden-apple quality of my words by learning from the Word of God, by saturating myself with God’s words rather than junk. Isaiah 50:4 (ESV) says that “The Lord GOD has given me the tongue of those who are taught, that I may know how to sustain with a word him who is weary. Morning by morning he awakens; he awakens my ear to hear as those who are taught.”

In Acts 4:36 and Acts 11:22-23, we have an example of someone who knew how to ‘sustain with words’, i.e. to encourage: Joseph. In fact the Apostles nicknamed him Barnabas, which means son of encouragement. Wouldn’t it be amazing if we are so known for the golden-apple quality of our words, for speaking life and encouragement to people, that it becomes our nickname? It is also worth pointing out that it was there in Antioch, where Barnabas was at the time, that the word Christian was first used, which means Christ-like. This means the people there thought Barnabas and some of the disciples behaved so much like Jesus, they had to name them accordingly. Verse 24 tells us that as a result of this, many people were brought to the Lord. What a testimony! There is a lot we can learn from the example of Barnabas. The question that springs to mind then is this: how did he achieve this character-based reputation?

Acts 11:24 tells us that Barnabas was a good man, full of the Holy Spirit and strong in faith. We receive the Holy Spirit by asking (Luke 11:13), and we remain full of Him by fellowshipping with Him (2 Corinthians 13:14). Then our speech and message will not be enticing words of man’s wisdom, but a demonstration of the Spirit and power (1 Corinthians 2:4, KJV). We can also become stronger in faith, which means not just believing God for bigger blessings, but allowing our lifestyles and words to show that we truly believe that God is, and that He can see and hear us (Hebrews 11:6, 2 Chronicles 16:9). If we believe that God exists and He hears us, then do we really want Him hearing some of the stinging words that come out of our mouths? If we believe that we are children of God, and by faith understand that the universe was created by the Word of God (Hebrews 11:3), then shouldn’t that knowledge push us to hold our words to account, knowing how much power they hold? Doing so will enable us to refrain from speaking careless words, because we realise that we will need to account for them before God, and these words can either free us or condemn us (Matthew 12:36-37).

However, the thing with living on Earth is that human beings and situations will tempt us. They will seriously tempt us. Their words, actions, character, will be like waving a red flag in front of that bull, coaxing that bull, so that it comes charging out, full steam ahead. But, it doesn’t have to be that way. Acts 15: 36-39 tells the story of a disagreement Paul and Barnabas had regarding John Mark. Earlier on, they had taken John Mark on a mission to Pamphylia and what did he do? He deserted them. Imagine travelling with a partner for a job in a new city, then the partner dumps you. This automatically means that the work that was meant for two is left for you alone, and worse still, you don’t even have the blessing of a much-needed companion to get you through the challenges such a job or mission will pose. As such, we can understand Paul’s stance of, ‘No way am I taking this guy with me, I’m not going through that again.’

Barnabas saw things differently though. You could tell that his encouragement comprised both words and actions, as he wanted to give John Mark a second chance. This was not surprising given Barnabas’ character and antecedents. After all, it was this same Barnabas who welcomed Paul shortly after his conversion, when the other believers were afraid of him and didn’t want to have anything to do with him (Acts 9:26-27). Barnabas did not just stop at welcoming Paul, he also mentored him (Acts 11:25-26).

Back to the story though, the issue regarding John Mark became so serious that Paul and Barnabas ended up separating, with Barnabas and John Mark heading for Cyrus, and Paul and Silas heading to Syria and Cilicia. This was a blessing in itself, as it enabled the gospel to reach more areas. But the question is, what happened to John Mark? It is interesting to note that in some of Paul’s letters afterwards, there are several mentions of Mark being useful to the ministry (2 Timothy 4:11, Colossians 4:10, Philemon 1:24). While it could be argued that Mark was a common name and it may not have been the same person, there is also a strong possibility that it was the same Mark, the very one who absconded during his first ministry, that went on to do great things for God. A number of Bible commentaries do suggest that those passages indeed referred to John Mark. This is the power that encouragement can have, the power to build instead of sting, the power to transform rather than destroy, through both words and actions.

I pray that as we reflect on this, we will receive the grace to deliver fitly spoken words to others. I pray that we will learn from the honeybee, that we will hold back that sting even when it is so tempting to release it. I pray that in those intense ‘bull-raging’ moments, we will remember to pause and pray first. In doing so, may our words bring encouragement, hope, healing, joy and life, thus emulating our glorious Heavenly Father and bringing Him great pleasure. Amen.

Image source here.