One late afternoon, while waiting for treatment in the hospital one day, I had a conversation with someone on the healing power of love. It was one of those conversations you reflect on for quite a while afterwards. The more I reflected on it, the more I saw it from different angles, and the more inspired I was to live it out, and also write a bit about it. This blogpost focuses primarily on one of the angles I reflected on, the ability of love to cast out fear.

1 John 4:18a states that “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear”. This is one of those verses that the more I think about it, the more I realise how powerful it is. It emphasises the fact that love, and the knowledge of that love, can cast out fear. For context, this particular passage discusses how knowledge of God’s love for us can drive out fear of God’s judgement. It emphasises that when we truly know just how wide, deep and extravagant God’s love for us is, rather than live in fear, we are emboldened and strengthened to live the abundant life Jesus generously came to give us (John 10:10).

It doesn’t stop there though. 1 John 4 in general talks quite a bit about love. As verses 7 – 12 note, “My beloved friends, let us continue to love each other since love comes from God. Everyone who loves is born of God and experiences a relationship with God. The person who refuses to love doesn’t know the first thing about God, because God is love—so you can’t know him if you don’t love. This is how God showed his love for us: God sent his only Son into the world so we might live through him. This is the kind of love we are talking about—not that we once upon a time loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they’ve done to our relationship with God. My dear, dear friends, if God loved us like this, we certainly ought to love each other. No one has seen God, ever. But if we love one another, God dwells deeply within us, and his love becomes complete in us—perfect love!” (MSG). This passage emphasises God’s abundant love and reminds us that our response to God’s love is to love in return. To love Him first, and to love others. We love others by showing them what God is like – merciful, loving, holy, gracious, kind.

I’ve written in a previous blogpost here about some health challenges I’ve been facing. Previously, when people talked about someone fighting an illness, while I do understand what they mean, I was somewhat sceptical about the use of the word “fight”. I felt it implied that those who die from a similar illness lost a fight, even though they may possibly have gone through the same treatment, but for some reason it didn’t work – either because their illness may have been more advanced or just didn’t respond to the treatment. For that reason, it didn’t quite sit well with me.

However, when I had to face that health challenge, I realised that there is indeed a fight involved, and for me, one of those fights was a fight against fear. When I was discharged from the hospital, for a number of days after, I kept having vivid, terrifying dreams where I would be having a seizure, but no one was around or even if someone was around (for instance in the house but in a different room), they couldn’t hear me. I would be lying on my bed helpless, unable to move. It was like a force was pinning me down. I would eventually wake up panting, and in an awful state. I learnt later that there is a medical term for this, ‘sleep paralysis’. In some instances, these have been attributed to demonic attacks. I won’t debate on what they are in this post, but the point I want to draw out is that they can be a terrifying experience. You can almost taste the bitter fear that arises due to such an incidence. However, following the overwhelming show of love (through prayers and other practical expressions of love) that I received from family, friends, church, communities I’m part of, which in a sense were a tangible reminder of God’s love for me, it occurred to me a while later that I had stopped having those dreams! That fear had gradually been replaced with a peace, ‘Shalom’, a deepened sense of God’s love, and a realisation that everything was going to work together for good (Romans 8:28). This was one personal and real example for me of how love can cast out fear.

Another personal and currently ongoing example for me is that after a period of relatively mild seizures, I later started to experience more severe, painful and frightening seizures. That fear began to creep up again. I could feel it and taste it, the fear of having seizures, the fear of not wanting to get out of bed and go anywhere or do anything, because my bed (or sofa) were the safest places to have a seizure. I knew I did not want to live that way, lying down in fear, waiting for the next seizure to happen. I wasn’t entirely sure what to do though, but it felt necessary for me to take small, sensible steps. For instance I had planned to go to church one Sunday. However, on the preceding Saturday evening, after having had three serious seizures in the previous 24 hours, my right side, especially my hand was feeling progressively more dead/numb. As such, that plan was getting a bit wobbly. Then I woke up on Sunday morning, and three things happened. One was that I realised if I chose to stay at home, it would be a decision based on fear, and that could be a very slippery slope that I did not want to go down. The other was that a bit of strength had returned to my right hand, which was encouraging. The third was that I was supported by friends who, while leaving the go/no go decision to me, assured me that they will support me, sit with me, and just be there if anything were to happen. Again, another example of love helping to cast out fear. As such, I went to church and I was well and truly blessed – by the song worship, the message, prayers, seeing and being with my family of believers, people’s kindness and thoughtfulness. Even the sun blessed me with its shining light and warmth (unusual for a November morning!). I sat outside in the sun after the service, and it was just glorious. Incidentally, I also did not have any major seizure that particular day, only minor ones.

I need to emphasise though that this is what I was led to do one day, and in no way implies that anyone should react in an “Oh whatever” way, ignore glaring risks and go bungee jumping.  There were still days when I didn’t go for things I had planned, and Sundays when I watched the service online. However, I was gradually learning to make decisions not from a place of fear but from a place of wisdom, obtained from praying, being sensitive to the Spirit and a dash of common sense.

The battle wasn’t over though and I continued to have major seizures during the week, with the frequency increasing as well. Their severity meant the risk of hurting myself was greater. The seizures were like electric shocks in my right side, especially my hand. It would jerk, bend and twist into very painful positions during the seizures and I couldn’t control it. It was like my brain thought I was part-contortionist. Afterwards, my hand would go dead for a while. Then just when I had barely gotten over the pain and weakness/deadness, another one would hit. A big challenge was that I was never quite sure when one would happen, and they were quite sudden, with little warning. And so, that old familiar fear began creeping up again. This became one of the most challenging battles I faced during this trial – not giving into that fear. I will continue to admit that it has not been an easy battle. However, there are some immediate things I do when I feel fear coming on that are primarily based on a foundation of the knowledge of God’s love for me. These include praying, trusting, worshipping God, meditating on and repeatedly saying scriptures that encouraged me. Philippians 4:8 reminds us to fix our thoughts on what is true, honourable, right, pure, lovely and admirable, things that are excellent and worthy of praise. The Word of God fulfils all these criteria and as such, is the perfect foundation to rest our thoughts on. One verse I repeated regularly was from 2 Timothy 1:7, “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” It also helped that as a child, I learnt a song about that verse in Sunday School!

A lot of times I wake up with a song in my head and play it repeatedly during the day. These are mostly songs of worship, exalting God. There are some songs in particular that specifically remind me of how to battle fear: “God I look to you” (link here) and “No longer slaves” (link here). The former encourages me NOT to be overwhelmed, but rather to look to God for wisdom and vision, and declare my love for Him. The latter reminds me that I am no longer a slave to fear BECAUSE I am a child of God. It helps to remember that as His child, He loves me so much and has my best interests at heart. It is also a huge encouragement to have people bless me with their prayers, kindness and practical support when I need it.

As I reflected on some scriptures during this battle, I did find it interesting re-reading them and noticing the theme of not giving in to fear. These scriptures were not saying that things that would induce fear won’t happen, rather they emphasised that we shouldn’t give in to them. Psalm 23, one of the most popular Psalms, says “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. For you are with me” (Verse 4a). David the Psalmist acknowledges that there will be times in our life when we will walk through the valley of the shadow of death, but God will be with us, and as such we do not need to fear. Psalm 91: 5-6 notes “You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness, nor the destruction that wastes at noonday.” Again, there is the acknowledgement that there will be terrors, arrows, pestilence, destruction, BUT we will not fear “because the Lord is our dwelling place and refuge” (verse 9).

Knowing that nothing can separate us from God’s love is a powerful antidote to fear. Not tribulation, distress, peril, death etc, as Romans 8:35-39 encouragingly reminds us. Ephesians 3:17-19 again emphasises this “so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God”.

It is important in the battle against fear to have that confident knowledge of God’s love for us, and to know that while God is Holy and will execute judgement, mercy triumphs over judgement (James 2:13). Again, we are called to be like God and to let mercy for others triumph over our judgement of them. There were times when I was in such pain, I could barely even think of scripture, and all I could say was the name above all names, Jesus (Philippians 2:9). Proverbs 18:10 says “The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe.” The other thing I could do was simply to ask God for His mercy. My confidence in asking wasn’t because I deserved it, but purely because I know He is a merciful God and that mercy flows from His love. Just as Psalm 6:4 notes, “Turn, O LORD, deliver my life; save me for the sake of your steadfast love.” Lamentations 3:22- 24 (NLT) also encourages us with its reminder that “The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning.” Even when I was low and shaken from a seizure, I knew that I could still rely on God for comfort. As 2 Corinthians 7:6 reminds us, God comforts the downcast. And when needed, just at the right time, a friend would show up.

Matthew 18:3 tells us to become like little children, and for me, sometimes that helped. Most children are usually very confident in their parents love and don’t worry about things like whether there will be food for them the next day. I had to learn to become like a child – in trusting and being confident in God’s love (and in other ways as well!). Prior to my radiotherapy starting, I had explained the treatment to my children by saying that the radiotherapy machine will emit radiation beams that will blast the tumour. However, I was still nervous about radiotherapy. Then I thought  ‘well, if I believed what I explained to my kids, then I shouldn’t really be nervous, instead I should start to see the treatment as a good thing!’. I took it a bit too far though. Having watched Sing 2 a while back, when I was lying down, mask on, and about to start a radiotherapy treatment session one day, I remember thinking “Take that, you nasty alien monster” a la Porsha (Link here). I actually started giggling and had to quickly think a sad thought to stop myself, as I was supposed to be still!

God loves us, that is indisputable, but this love should provoke a response in us, and that response is to love Him back and let His love flow on to others. Galatians 5:6b reminds us that it is not really the doctrinal issues we argue about that matter, but that “what is important is faith expressing itself in love.” As Charles Spurgeon beautifully expressed “Faith goes up the stairs that love has built and looks out the windows which hope has opened.” We can show people what God is like and help them fight and drive out fear with love. We can help people know of God’s love and mercy from an understanding of His word, and enable them feel it through our actions. Through that knowledge and confidence, we can fight fear and its colleague ‘worry’, which Corrie Ten Boom refers to as a “cycle of inefficient thoughts whirling around a centre of fear”.

I pray that when we have to fight that battle against fear, we will remember that we are truly so so loved by God. Therefore He will never leave us nor forsake us. As such, we can pray in such moments, even if it’s the simplest of prayers, or uttering and focusing on the name above all names, “Jesus”, and we will experience His peace (Philippians 4:6-7). I also pray that we will have a community that will surround us with God’s love, and that we ourselves can be parts of such communities, showing people what God’s true, deep, abundant love is like. In doing so, we can drive out that old enemy fear, by God’s grace and with love in the driver’s seat.

Image source here.