I was reading a Bible passage (1 Samuel 24) that made me pause and reflect on this attribute, tender heartedness. In the passage, Saul had been pursuing David and had every intention of killing him. However, as it happens, Saul inadvertently entered a cave where David and his men were already in. Now, David had the perfect opportunity for revenge! As his men put it in verse 4 “Here is the day of which the Lord said to you, ‘Behold, I will give your enemy into your hand, and you shall do to him as it shall seem good to you.’” But, as tempting as it might have been, David did not take the bait. Instead, David arose and stealthily cut off a corner of Saul’s robe. And it is what happens next that really made me think about this. “And afterward David’s heart struck him, because he had cut off a corner of Saul’s robe. 6 He said to his men, “The Lord forbid that I should do this thing to my lord, the Lord’s anointed, to put out my hand against him, seeing he is the Lord’s anointed.” 7 So David persuaded his men with these words and did not permit them to attack Saul. And Saul rose up and left the cave and went on his way.” (Verses 5-7). Now all David did was cut off a corner of Saul’s robe, the same Saul who would have had no qualms about cutting off not just David’s robe but his head! And yet David’s heart struck him. Talk about tender-heartedness.

The Bible is pretty clear that we should be tender hearted. In Ephesians 4:32, we are told “And be ye kind one to another, tender hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” Colossians 3:12 says “Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tender hearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience” (NLT). Again, in 1 Peter 3:8, “Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tender hearted, and keep a humble attitude” (NLT).

What does this mean in practice though? On the one hand, it means being kind, gentle, humane. On the other, I think it also means being sensitive to the Spirit of God. At least from a Christian perspective. These two are not mutually exclusive, and go hand in hand. In David’s case, he was convinced that Saul was God’s anointed, and he could not bear the thought of attacking someone whom God had anointed, even in the smallest of ways. But he was also being kind to Saul, even though you could say Saul did not deserve it at the time. One of the things I learnt from this story is that even though there are some situations and people that almost make you want to sear your heart with a hot iron, to deaden your heart to them, God calls us to act differently.

Jesus was a classic example of someone with a tender heart. He was sensitive to His Father’s will, and He was compassionate. From the way he was moved with compassion for people such as the widow of Nain in Luke 7, when He gave her son life again after he had been dead, to the way he asked God to forgive the very people who crucified him (Luke 23:34). Even with the intense, piercing pain and agony He must have been experiencing in those final moments, His thoughts were not for Himself, but for those who had inflicted this terrible pain on Him. They were thoughts of good, thoughts from someone with a tender heart, acknowledging their ignorance, wanting forgiveness on their behalf. Again, in this case, the tenderness was not influenced by how deserving the people in question were (or not, in this case). It was a posture of heart that He had chosen, and it is a posture that takes great courage. Hosea 11 also beautifully illustrates the tender heart of God, despite Israel’s rebellion, and is worth a read.

As my pastor once noted, when people throw stones at a mango tree, it doesn’t all of a sudden start throwing rotten fruit back, it still produces delicious fruit, because those stones do not change the essence of what it is. Tender heartedness is a fruit we are called to bear, and as children of God with the life of God in us, our tender hearts should not become rocks because people throw rocks at us. I was reading online that tender cuts of meats usually command higher prices, because tenderness is a desirable quality in meat, as it is generally more palatable. As such, please don’t ‘lower your price’, stay tender! I saw this quote on social media which I really like, “Let me stay tender hearted, despite despite despite.”

Sometimes though, we harden our hearts from a place of pain and hurt. And it is understandable to want to protect our hearts from further pain. Alas this only forms a protective casing around the pain, instead of healing it. Where this is the case for us, I pray we can find the courage and strength to surrender our hearts to our Father, and experience His true healing. He can take out our stony hearts and give us tender responsive hearts instead. Not only that, but we can trust Him for the strength and grace to protect us and see us through times of hurting. And if sadly, our tender hearts get broken, we can draw comfort from His presence, for He is near to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18).

It is worth highlighting that tender heartedness does not mean constantly having a troubled or worried heart because of the problems around us. Tender heartedness can be overwhelming if it is not accompanied by the understanding that you cannot fix all the world’s problems, but you can work with God and the communities He has blessed you with to fix the problems He has called you to fix. The weight of the world does not and should not rest on your shoulders, but on God’s. Jesus words of comfort in John 14:1 emphasise this, “Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me.” To quote Lao Tzu, “Make your heart like a lake, with a calm, still surface, and great depths of kindness.” As Christians, we can allow that lake to be continually filled by God’s kindness, so that it never runs dry.

What about times when our kindness, our tender heartedness is abused and taken for granted? It can be hard, can’t it? However, in Matthew 10:16, Jesus said “Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves.” Tender heartedness therefore needs to be accompanied with wisdom and discernment. Again, this is where sensitivity to God’s Spirit really comes in. As painful as it can be when our kindness is abused, this scripture really helps me: “And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” (Colossians 3:17). When I view kindness through the lens of that scripture, and see my acts of kindness and posture of tender-heartedness as unto God, then I know with 100% certainty that God can never abuse or take advantage of my kindness. Again, wisdom and discernment from God will enable us know, in each situation, what the kind thing to do is, as it might not always be obvious or straight forward.

Dear God, I pray that our hearts remain tender, sensitive to Your Spirit and leading. Keep our hearts as tender as yours Lord. May we not become hardened even in the coldest of circumstances, but may Your warmth radiate in us, keeping us tender as we continuously draw from Your deep, ever flowing wells of kindness to pour out generously onto others. Amen.

Image source here (Heart Lake, Ontario, Canada).