Not too long ago, I learnt a very interesting lesson on perception/perspectives. I was playing the song “Wide as the sky” by Matt Redman (beautiful song by the way). There’s a line in the song that goes “Jesus take your place, Jesus take your place”. My 4-year old was singing it, but then he changed the lyrics and begun to sing “Jesus don’t take your place”. A bit puzzled, I asked him “Why would you say that?” He continued singing/saying, “Jesus don’t take your place away, leave your place here in our house!”

This incident also reminded me of a story I read quite a while ago in the book “Chicken soup for the college soul”. You can read the full story here. I’ll try to briefly summarise though. A little girl of about six was with her mum in a hospital waiting room, when she turned to her mum and asked “what is sex?” The narrator of the story and the others in the room were all ears, wondering how the mum was going to answer the question. The narrator was also thinking of how he would answer it himself… Would mum talk about safe sex, or how babies are made? Etcetera etcetera. However, the girl’s mum, instead of going full on to answer the question, simply paused to ask the girl “what do you mean dear?” The little girl answered, “well, I’ve been looking at this paper, and it says – Sex: M or F. Am I an M or an F?” The girls mum smiled, the people in the waking room resumed what they were doing, probably with a smile and a sigh of relief. The narrator realised then that he would have answered wrongly, because he may have heard the question, but not what the girl was actually asking.

Sometimes, how we perceive things and how others perceive things (or how things actually are!) can vary greatly. You opened the door for someone and they didn’t bother to say thank you? Maybe that person isn’t rude. What if they just heard some difficult news and were lost in thought, or they were in shock and unaware of their surroundings? A young man didn’t give up his seat in a bus for an elderly lady? Maybe he has an illness you can’t see, and he is too weak to stand. You saw someone you know across the road, but he/she ignored you… Maybe, just maybe, they actually did not see you, even though they looked in your direction. You may be rolling your eyes and thinking “yeah right”. Indeed, you may be right. Maybe the chance is very small that a genuine and acceptable reason exists for someone’s seemingly wrong behaviour. But, even a small chance is still a chance, and sometimes it won’t hurt to apply the principle of ‘beyond all reasonable doubt’ before we dive head first into conclusions.

This does not mean that we should continuously let ourselves be hurt because we are hoping for the best. There are situations where people have consistently behaved in a certain negative way, so much so that we automatically expect them to behave that way again. In such cases, we tend to believe negative things we hear about them even without much supporting evidence. It can be quite tricky to know how to handle such situations. Either way, it won’t be a one size fits all approach, and wisdom will need to be applied in such cases. We can pray and ask God for guidance on how to approach such situations. When it comes to situations where we are not privy to the details or do not know what is really going on behind the scenes though, it may be best to withhold judgement. Regarding the news we read or watch for instance, I have read comments from people directly involved in some of the news stories published who say that the published article got so many things wrong. Sometimes, truth is sacrificed on the altar of sensationalism. Yet we read such stories, believe them, and then go a step further to pass judgements.

Proverbs 25:8-10 (MSG) says “Don’t jump to conclusions—there may be a perfectly good explanation for what you just saw.” Imagine for a minute that you are blindfolded, and you have lost your memory. Then you feel a fingernail, and you are told it is part of the hand. Would it be a wise conclusion to assume that the entire hand has the texture of a fingernail? Situations can be like icebergs sometimes… we only see a little bit of a situation, but there is a whole lot under the surface that we are unaware of. Using that little bit we can see to pass judgements can lead to serious errors of judgements and consequences we won’t really want. Where possible, seeking clarification will be best. Where it is difficult to clarify, it may be worth giving people the benefit of doubt rather than assuming the worst case scenario.

When next we are tempted to assume the worst, at that moment when we can already feel that little bit of bitterness creeping in, it may help to think “but what if…<insert better scenario>”. We may be right, or we may be wrong, and in some cases, it may not really matter. But, what will matter is that doing this can give us merciful eyes, and enable us act with grace, which is a big deal in a world desperately in need of the sweet sound of God’s amazing grace.