I wrote a blog post about three weeks ago titled “Just like them”, and had intended to write a sequel shortly after. Well, this is finally the “shortly after”, thanks to a little incident that occurred today that reminded me of the sequel that needed to be written! I was having a yummy snack of chocolate ice cream cake… really creamy, moist, delicious… I mean, it was three of my favourite things rolled in one, how could it not be?, and being the nice mummy that I am, I had given my sons a bit to eat before I started digging into my own piece, hoping I would have a chance to enjoy my cake in peace. Well, that was not to be. My older son had finished his piece really fast, and was back for more. I was trying to ignore him, but he was also ignoring my attempts to ignore him, and then he said “mummy, you should share”. My first reaction was to laugh, but then I realised I had said similar things to him several times before, whenever he had something that someone else wanted. “Why don’t you share with person X”; “It’s nice to share”; “Sharing is good” etc etc. So it was only fair that the advisor took her advice as well right? Being in his position and wanting to enjoy my dessert in peace, I realised that sharing can be a tricky thing sometimes, to put it mildly. While I did end up sharing my own piece with him, I realised that if I could remember my state of mind at that point the next time I wanted him to share something, it would be easier to identify with him and be more empathetic. The thing is, it can be quite difficult to take the position of another person sometimes. It can be hard not to think of ourselves first, or to love others in the same way we love ourselves. Sometimes we can do or say certain things, or respond in certain ways to someone, without thinking of how it would be if we were in that person’s position. And sometimes, as this post https://livlearns.wordpress.com/2016/08/07/just-like-them/ shows, we can get annoyed with others for things which we ourselves also do. (It may be a good idea to read that post before continuing, if you haven’t already read it.)

While I had used children as examples in that post though, the truth is, this principle can apply to adults as well. Most of the time, if we think really hard before we criticise someone else, we will realise we may have done something similar before. We may also realise that there were a few times when we were in that person’s position, and we probably also did the same thing they did that we don’t like. As such, before we accuse someone of anything, it may be a good idea to stop and think… If someone doesn’t know how to do something or is ignorant about something, and you start feeling a tad superior because you are good at the said thing, ask yourself whether there are things you don’t also know how to do, or if there are things you aren’t also ignorant about. Then think of how you would like someone to treat you in such a situation, and ask yourself if that is how you are treating the “ignorant” person. If someone didn’t want to help/support you when you need help/support for something, also ask yourself if you have ALWAYS helped/supported everybody who needed your help, or if there were times when, for whatever reason, you did not/could not. Then realise that people also have their own reasons why they may not be able to help, whether or not they tell you. If someone asks what you feel is a foolish question, before you put the person down, ask yourself if you’ve ever asked a foolish question. If someone judges you, ask yourself if you’ve ever judged someone else (Truth is, whether or not we admit it, we ALL judge, even if just in our minds… if you’ve ever formed an opinion about someone/something, you’ve judged that person or thing. And sometimes, this is based on very limited information, but that’s a post for another day). If someone did not show gratitude for something you did in the way you expected them to, ask yourself if you’ve always shown gratitude for what people have done for you in the way they wanted you to. If someone delayed when you asked them to do something for you, ask yourself if you’ve ever delayed when someone else needed your help. If someone is impatient with you, ask yourself if you’ve ever been impatient with someone else. If someone ignored you/your text/call etc, ask yourself if you have ever ignored someone else/their text/call etc. I could go on and on, but you get the point. And even if we haven’t done it to man, is there any possibility we may have done it to God? You know, been ungrateful for what he has given us and grumbled about our lot, ignored his good advice/Word, etc etc.

Simply put, before we react to ways in which we feel slighted by others, it would be a good idea to stop to ask ourselves, “Have I ever done this?” And if we are honest, the answer may probably be yes.‎ Because the truth which we will end up realising is that, somehow someway, we aren’t always that different after all. Sometimes, we aren’t always as good as we think we are, and people aren’t always as bad as we think they are. I once saw this quote somewhere, which I think is very true “We are very good lawyers for our own mistakes, but very good judges for the mistakes of others”.

This is not to say we are not allowed to be upset when people do things we don’t like to us, that is not necessarily the point of this post, and would be quite an unfair, not to mention difficult request. Neither does it mean that we cannot tell people when they do something to hurt us. The point is mainly to make us learn to see things from the perspective of the other person, to be a little slower to condemn someone else, to think of how we would desire to be treated, and make that desire a reality in the way we treat others. This is not always easy to do, and it is something I think a lot of us struggle with (or is it just me? I know I certainly do sometimes). But it is something that God asks us to do, to think of others. Philippians 2:3b-4 (TLB) says “Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself. ⁴ Don’t just think about your own affairs, but be interested in others, too, and in what they are doing.” Jesus personally tells us in Mark 12:33 to love others as much as we love ourselves. And I think a key way to do this is to put ourselves in the other person’s position, and realise that sometimes we are really just like them, or if we are not now, maybe we once were? And that, as John Bradford allegedly said, “There, but for the grace of God, go I”.

Maybe, just maybe, with this realisation, we may become a little bit more understanding, and we may also be a bit more patient with and merciful to others. Because, the truth is, we are recipients of far more patience, mercy and grace than we can ever give out. ‎Far far more.